I participated in a Facebook post recently that asked, “What’s one thing that your boyfriend/husband does that really hurts you?” I pictured myself standing in a field, clothes soiled, streaks of dirt across my face, and debris scattered all around me from the tornado that spared my life. I thought to myself:
- Why do we focus on tearing things apart?
- Why are women so catty?
- Why do people feel the need to vent personal relationship issues to hundreds of random people?
- Why are we trying to trash our marriages?
- What’s wrong with the world that we haven’t learned how to solve issues with the people/person involved?
I truly believe that there are instances when “venting” is appropriate and needed, such as in toxic, abusive relationships where you’re seeking the help of others. But I also strongly believe that this “venting” should happen with a wise and trusted confidant that can provide you with appropriate biblical advice.
Supposed the situation was reversed? You come across a Facebook post where you find your significant other “venting” about you? It’s nothing they have ever spoken with you about and is very hurtful. How would you feel? Would it make you feel loved? Respected?
Our home is meant to be a safe haven.
“The wise women builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1
This isn’t just applicable in marriages, but also as parents.
Our safe place should not be a private Facebook group discussion.
Our safe place should not be in the arms of another man or woman.
Our safe place should not be at our best friend’s house.
If you’re looking for a great way to contribute to the trashing of your marriage, tell the world about all the things your husband does that you don’t like. Then put yourself in his shoes and think about all the things he could say about you if he were to reciprocate the gesture.
Why are we doing this? God’s plan is that we treasure and cultivate our marriages. If your actions aren’t cultivating your marriage, could it be you that needs to be reflected on?
How to Trash Your Marriage
Probe Ministries, Sue Bohlin offers insight into How to Trash your Marriage in 8 Easy Steps:
1. Be selfish
2. Pick at each other
3. Let the kids be more important
4. Show disrespect
5. Refuse to meet emotional needs
6. Treat your friends better than your spouse
7. Be his mother
8. Blow up when you’re angry
You can read more about the 8 steps by visiting Sue’s article: How to Trash your Marriage in 8 Easy Steps.
How to Cultivate Your Marriage
Instead of trashing it, why not put your energy into cultivating it? You’ll be much better off. How do you cultivate your marriage? Sue suggests 8 steps to build your marriage instead:
- Fight selfishness
- Let things go (give grace)
- Be intentional (center of your family – plan date nights!)
- Commit to being respectful
- Talk about your partner’s emotional needs with them
- Treat your spouse like you do your best friends
- Resign as your husband’s mother
- Express anger wisely and constructively
Part of being respectful is to speak about your husband positively. Build him up. When you are frustrated with him, talk to him about it. If you can’t, there may be some other issues that need to be resolved, such as improving the intimacy necessary for allowing difficult discussions to take place between you.
Cultivate your relationship. Build up your home. Don’t tear it down with your own hands. The result of tearing things down is a heap of rubble and a broken heart.
“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” -Ecclesiastes 4:12
