I sat on the floor of my middle schooler’s bedroom, listening intently to her describe trying to survive as a Christian in school today, “It’s like being an airplane flying against the wind. The pressure is so strong but you keep pushing and pushing and pushing against it. Before too long, you get so tired, that it makes you want to stop flying.”

I sat there for a few moments, speechless as I thought back to my own teenage years, a wave of intense empathy sweeping over my heart. I remember a similar feeling:

-I wanted to be pure and save myself for marriage but all around me were stories of innocence being stripped by the pressures of conformity.

-I wanted to be kind and not participate in gossip, but all around me stood judgment, selfishness, criticism, and jealousy.

-I longed to show others God’s love, even then, but I was afraid of being different. I knew I already was, so taking a stand meant being labeled and it was easier to just fade into the background.

Parenting today is a lot like being an air traffic controller. Being an air traffic controller is a mighty responsibility. Those in the position are responsible for making sure airplanes have a safe, orderly, and expeditious journey. They must be able to anticipate problems and make real-time decisions for the safety of pilots, passengers, and bystanders. It is viewed as a highly stressful position, one that is dependent on a variety of external and unavoidable factors.

Listen, dear friends, to God’s truth,

bend your ears to what I tell you.

I’m chewing on the morsel of a proverb;

I’ll let you in on the sweet old truths,

Stories we heard from our fathers,

counsel we learned at our mother’s knee.

We’re not keeping this to ourselves

we’re passing it along to the next generation-

God’s fame and fortune,

the marvelous things he has done.

He planted a witness in Jacob

set his Word firmly in Israel,

Then commanded our parents

to teach it to their children

So the next generation would know,

and all the generations to come–

Know the truth and tell the stories

so their children can trust in God,

Never forget the works of God

but keep his commands to the letter.

Heaven forbid they should be like their parents,

bullheaded and bad,

A fickle and faithless bunch

who never stayed true to God.

Psalm 78: 1-8

It’s a helpless and terrifying feeling, being an air traffic controller to your children. You’re there watching them, trying to guide them, hoping they stay safe and can withstand the pressures of flying against the wind.

The fact is, many parents today choose not to accept the job. Instead, they hand it off to others who have the courage needed to climb the tower. They hold their crossed fingers behind their back, hoping that their child will get through unscathed. They pilot their own plane in the same direction that everyone else is flying because it’s easier than feeling the pressure of the wind.

It’s easier to just let your children fly solo and figure it out as they go.

It’s easier to give them what they want, instead of holding them to truth.

It’s easier to ignore problems and hope them away.

It’s easier to do what’s easy.

It’s easier not to have to work. To just sit idly and let it be.

But here is my tough love. Here is the passion that God told me not to withhold. Here is the truth. Like I have said in the past, sometimes when you get passionate, apathetic people feel threatened.

If you feel threatened by my message, maybe it’s a sign that you need to reflect on what you’re doing.

Could the reason for your complacency be in the fact that you don’t think you’re enough?

Don’t you think you have what it takes to steer your children in the right direction?

You feel like you don’t have the authority to be an example because you have messed up so many things in your own life?

What holds you back? What keeps you from training your children up in the way they should go?

Because it’s parents like you that make it difficult for parents like me.

I’m not judging. I’m not saying I’m a perfect parent. I’m not claiming to be better than you.

I’m pleading with you.

Don’t let them fly blindly. I dare you to love and guide your children passionately. God shows us how:

10 Time-Sensitive Truths to Keep Your Children Anchored

These lists are not comprehensive. These lists were born out of my experience as a teacher, a mother, a teenager, my combination of life experiences, and poor decisions. While I could lump both boys and girls into one list, which is very possible, God has impressed upon my heart to separate them. While I am not the mother to a boy, most of the difficult seasons in my life can be attributed to men. Consequently, as I reflect on my daughter’s future, I often think about the type of man I want her to find. My list for boys comes from my desire for my girls to find good men. You will find some of the same truths written for boys, while some of them will be different.

For Your Daughters

1. Give Her an Anchor-

After I experienced infidelity in my marriage, my sister-in-law gifted me with an anchor necklace. Her gift caused me to reflect more deeply on the meaning of anchors. The catacombs in the early church contained 66 pictures of anchors. Why an anchor? Anchors are a symbol of stability, strength, and immovability. Putting down an anchor also represents the end of a long, safe journey.

My daughter was wise in her thinking. She truly is flying against the wind. What will keep your child anchored when the winds threaten to knock her over?

Truth.

Can I shout this from the rooftops?! Can I get you to write this on the walls of your home? On the walls of your child’s room?

You never have to doubt when you have anchors of truth. It reminds me of the verse in the Bible that talks about the birds of the air not worrying about being cared for. It’s natural for them to have faith that God will supply their needs.

Your daughter needs truth to hang on to when the world around her flings arrows of lies in her face. Open that book and teach her those truths so she has an anchor. Do it now. Don’t wait.

We have this hope as a sure and firm anchor of the soul- Hebrews 6:19

2. Teach Her to Think of Her Future Husband

If you haven’t read it, you need to. It’s a story of the purest form of love, commitment, dedication, and loyalty. She was 12 years-old when she started writing letters to her future husband. She shared the last letter written to her future husband on the day of their wedding:

Dear Future Husband,

It’s hard to believe that this is the last time I’ll ever write a Dear Future Husband letter to you because in just a few short hours you will no longer be my future husband but instead will become my forever husband. It’s hard to believe that the day we’ve dreamed of since we met is finally here. It’s hard to believe that our forever starts today. It’s hard to believe that I have the privilege of marrying a man like you—a man who loves like Jesus does, a man who serves with His whole heart, a man who is strong and brave, and a man who lets God lead His life no matter the cost.

But on the other hand, it’s not that hard to believe because that’s just the kind of the God we serve—a God who is faithful to work all things together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).

When I was 13, my dad gave me a purity ring. Engraved inside of the band are the words: true love waits. In that moment, I promised to wait for my future husband and even signed a purity pact without hesitation (although I had no idea just how difficult that road could be). Nonetheless, I’ve worn that ring since the day it was given to me and done my best to be true to the promise my little middle school heart made to my earthly father, my Heavenly Father, and you, my Future Husband.

It wasn’t always easy waiting for you. It wasn’t always easy when boys would lose interest when I said no. It wasn’t always easy to explain to people all the reasons why I believed you were worth waiting for without even knowing your name yet. All I knew was that God’s design is more beautiful than anything this world could dream up—and that was worth waiting for even when it was hard.

When I felt like giving up, I’d think of you and then I would write to you. I dreamed of one day giving all those letters to the man I married so that he would see how truly important he was long before I ever met him. Today, you are that man. And although some have since been misplaced, I pray you treasure these letters I’ve written to you over the years.

As I step out of my single life and into the mystery of marriage with you in Jesus name, I’m giving to you the purity ring my daddy placed on my hand when I was a young 13-year-old girl. In its place, I’ll wear the wedding band that you’ll place on my finger today as your bride.

Because you are and always have been the future husband that God designed for me, the one I’ve prayed for, hoped for and waited for all these years.

Although it’s been a long road of waiting, God has walked with me through the steps of lonely seasons, heartbreaks, loss, frustration and so much more to prepare me to become a wife worthy of your love. Looking back, every single one of those steps that brought us here was so beyond worth it. And I know without a doubt that you are worth it and I’d do it all over again if I had to.

So as I walk down that aisle toward you today, I want you to know that I believe that walk is so much more than a ceremonial motion or formality. Each step represents the steps that God has walked with me through to bring me to this moment as I take this big step in becoming your wife.

Today we give Him everything. Today, we give each other everything.

I can’t express to you how overwhelmed I am by the faithfulness and goodness of God in His blessing of me with you as my husband and I joyfully give you my hand, my heart and my life from now until the end of time.

Love,

Your Forever Bride

*You can read more about her story on her website The Soul Scripts.

Isn’t that a mindset you want to give to your own daughter? She is worth a man waiting for her. Think back to your own life. Maybe you didn’t wait. Maybe you succumbed to peer pressure and gave in. Maybe you even suffered the consequence of a teenage pregnancy, a failed marriage, or abuse.

Is that what you want for your own daughter? Teach her to think of him when she’s in an uncomfortable situation. Teach her to think of how a decision might make him feel. Teach her to stay pure and wait for her forever man.

3. Teach her Self-Respect-

Have you continued an unhealthy cycle? What are you doing to be an example of self-respect for your daughter? She needs to know that she is the one who teaches others how to treat her.

No, just because other kids are doing it, doesn’t mean it’s right.

No, just because other girls are having sex, doesn’t mean she should.

No, just because it seems that all boys talk about sex, doesn’t mean they should be discussing it with her.

No, she does not need to give in to temptation just to fit it.

Teach her to put anchors down and hold fast.

4. Teach her Modesty-

It’s difficult enough for boys today. Messages about sex and lust are all around them. It doesn’t help them to be surrounded by scantily clad women or your daughter. Again, she is teaching boys and men how to treat her and if she’s not being modest, she’s sending out an invitation to be treated disrespectfully.

Button up yourself and teach her to do the same. In doing so, she’ll attract a different kind of male attention – respectful, honest, and sincere.

5. Have Tough Conversations with Her-

There are some difficult topics flying around, especially as your daughter gets older. I know sometimes they are conversations you don’t want to have yet. But the fact is, children are becoming little adults faster than we want them to.

When I was 12, the only thing I was concerned about was eating a snack after school and playing in the snow. These days, it’s all about sex talks, Snapchat, and dressing like a 25-year-old. If you don’t have the tough conversations with her, someone else will and more than likely, they’ll pass along lies dressed like truths with flashing lights and sweet smells.

Do it even if she doesn’t want to talk about it. Do it even if she slams her door. Do it even if she cries. Do it even if she yells. Just do it.

6. Be an Example of Love-

I’m not talking about the world’s view of love. Teach her the difference between lust, infatuation, and true love. True love doesn’t look like the movies where two people meet and instantaneously erupt into sweaty kisses and overnight passion. True love is choosing your spouse over and over again whether you feel like it one day or not. True love is patient, kind, selfless, and never-ending.

Teach her what that looks like. Be selfless by investing in her even when it’s difficult and even if you don’t feel like it.

7. Teach Her to Recognize the Still Small Voice-

There is a reason she feels so uncomfortable discussing certain topics with friends. There is a reason she feels uneasy when thinking about making some decisions. There is a reason she feels the need to hide things from you. Teach her what that feeling means. Show her what to do when that feeling comes up. Get her to think about what might happen if she doesn’t listen. Consequences can be eternal. Give her examples from your own life as reasons to listen to that still small voice inside.

8. Pass Down Your Values-

If you don’t teach her values, someone else will. It’s your responsibility. Don’t let teaching opportunities pass by. You must be diligent in teaching her right from wrong and using opportunities to help her see life from the perspective of truth. Don’t be lazy. Nothing is a substitute for parental responsibility.

9. Remind Her That the Path is Narrow-

There is a reason she feels like she is flying against the wind. God told us the path would be narrow. If someone calls her narrow-minded, tell her it’s a good thing. If she feels different because of her outlook, tell her it’s a good thing. She should be different. She should be frustrated at the world. Teach her to take that passion and use it to be a light.

10. Teach her How to Set Boundaries-

I wish someone would have taught me what boundaries were earlier in my life. I had never even heard of them until I was a grown adult with a failed marriage under my belt. Boundaries aren’t just for romantic relationships either. They can be put up in child-parent relationships, at work, in friendships, or with complete strangers. Teaching her this skill is one of the greatest gifts you can give her.

I haven’t had the opportunity to read it myself, but I’ve heard of it many times – Read the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend and teach your daughter what you learned. Now. Before she allows someone toxic to cross the line.

For Your Sons

1. Give Him an Anchor-

My daughter was wise in her thinking. She truly is flying against the wind. What will keep your child anchored when the winds threaten to knock her over?

Truth.

Can I shout this from the rooftops?! Can I get you to write this on the walls of your home? On the walls of your son’s room?

Your son needs truth to hang on to when the world around him flings arrows of lies in his face. Open that book and teach him those truths so he has an anchor. Do it now. Don’t wait.

We have this hope as a sure and firm anchor of the soul- Hebrews 6:19

2. Teach Him to Think About His Future Wife-

Now, unlike girls, guys are probably not going to be motivated to write their future wife letters. Boys definitely require a different approach and some of you may find this offensive, but I’m going to be honest anyway.

Boys are watching their dads like a hawk in the night. In contrast, many boys do not have the example of a good man to follow. In that instance, it is left up to the mother to teach her son how to treat a woman.

Mothers, if this is you, you must set the expectation that he not only treat you with respect but also his sisters if he has them. His first dates should be with you, mom.

Yes, he can open the door for you. Yes, he should open the door for his sisters.
Help him learn to listen, not just hear.
Teach him how to cook, clean, and do his own laundry.
Teach him how to do things he doesn’t want to do and finish them.
Teach him gentleness and kindness.
Teach him that marriage is a garden worth tending forever.
Teach him how to be emotionally intimate and how to talk about his feelings.
Teach him to think of his future wife before he makes a decision.

3. Teach Him Self-Respect-

He needs to know what to accept and not accept from others. He needs you to teach him that he is worthy of being treated with dignity and to expect that of himself toward others. Teach him that he shows others how to treat him by how he treats himself.

4. Modesty is for Boys, Too!

Teach him that people get a first impression of him by how he presents himself. We should express ourselves in a clean, positive, uplifting way. Similarly, teach your son how to control his thoughts, regardless of what the girls or women around him are wearing. Explain to him that it’s natural for him to want to look because boys and men are visual creatures, however, he is going to be bombarded by images, so he needs to know how to control the urge to keep looking. He also needs to learn what to look for in a future spouse – modesty goes both ways. Mothers set the stage by being an example.

5. Have Tough Conversations with Him-

He needs to know what your rules are for him regarding proper behavior. He is going to be surrounded by other boys who have not been taught what appropriate conversation is. He needs you to be diligent in teaching him to distinguish between wrong and right conversations and how to shut it down or walk away when it’s not okay. Use situations as opportunities to teach him the right thing to do. He may not like talking to you about these things, but he’s not the parent. Do it anyway.

6. Be an Example of Love-

You want him to learn how to love a woman the right way? You want him to learn how he is to be loved by a woman? You need to be the example to him. Love sometimes means talking about difficult things. Love sometimes means being punished for poor choices. Love is patient and kind, it is not proud or self-seeking. Love is not lust or infatuation. Love is never-ending, it keeps no record of wrongs. It’s commitment.

Teach him the value in commitment. Teach him the value of being present in his children’s lives, even if his own father isn’t.

7. Teach Him to Recognize the Still Small Voice-

There is a reason he feels so uncomfortable discussing certain topics with friends. There is a reason he feels uneasy when thinking about making some decisions. There is a reason he feels the need to hide things from you. Teach him what that feeling means. Show him what to do when that feeling comes up. Get him to think about what might happen if he doesn’t listen. Consequences can be eternal. Give him examples from your own life as reasons to listen to that still small voice inside.

8. Pass Down Your Values-

If you don’t teach him values, someone else will. It’s your responsibility. Don’t let teaching opportunities pass by. You must be diligent in teaching him right from wrong and using opportunities to help him see life from the perspective of truth. Don’t be lazy. Nothing is a substitute for parental responsibility.

The world has enough lazy, disloyal, selfish men. Don’t let your son be one of them.

9. Remind Him That the Path is Narrow-

There is a reason he feels like he is flying against the wind. God told us the path would be narrow. If someone calls him narrow-minded, tell him it’s a good thing. If he feels different because of his outlook, tell him it’s a good thing. He should be different. He should be frustrated at the world. Teach him to take that passion and use it to be a light. Take that passion and use it for good.

10. Teach Him How to Set Boundaries-

I wish someone would have taught me what boundaries were earlier in my life. I had never even heard of them until I was a grown adult with a failed marriage under my belt. Boundaries aren’t just for romantic relationships either. They can be put up in child-parent relationships, at work, in friendships, or with complete strangers. Teaching him this skill is one of the greatest gifts you can give him.

I haven’t had the opportunity to read it myself, but I’ve heard of it many times – Read the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend and teach your son what you learned. Now.

Don’t Wait

I wish I could think of story after story of how parents have stood firm and done the right thing for their children. I wish I didn’t have to be so frustrated at the lack of control parents have over their children today. I wish I didn’t have to worry so much for both of my daughter’s future.

The fact is, because of parents who don’t take responsibility for their children, I’m terrified.

I’m terrified that your son won’t have an anchor.

I’m scared that your child will be the source of pain for mine.

Don’t let your child fly his airplane blindfolded.

Get up in that tower, put your headset on, set your eyes and ears on your child, and help guide him through the sky before he listens to the pilots around him.

No, it’s not for the faint of heart. Yes, it’s a lot of work. No, it’s not going to be easy.

Do it anyway.

Then purchase a Prayer Bracelet and commit to praying for your child daily.

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